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- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
- I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? “Gag me with a spoon!”
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
- I asked my dad if I could watch the movie “Quantum Leap,” and he replied, “Sorry, it’s above your telekinesis.”
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- Did you hear about the family of acrobats that retired? They’re a bunch of “has-beens.”
- How do you organize a space party? You “planet”!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it!
- My sister bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
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