Sunday Night Laughs presents Storm the Castle
Written and Directed by Tyler J. Oakley
with Zelda Gay, Matthew Mitchell and Walt Frasier

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STORM THE CASTLE (3)
Tyler J. Oakley
GRAPHIC: Castle, Night
EXT. Behind the rocks. Night.

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Comrades. The cloak of night hast
fallen. Upon the signal of the first
watch, we storm the castle.

ZELDA THE FIERCE

At your will, sire.

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Captains, account your troops. Tumbas
of Timberland

TUMBAS THE TERRIBLE
(pounds chest)
Hurrah!

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Zelda the Fierce

ZELDA THE FIERCE

At your service.

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Jacob of Phoenix.

Cut to shirtless guy with the horns who stormed the Capitol.

JACOB
(waves)
How we doing?

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Jacob! What in the name of Oblivion
are you wearing?
JACOB
(looks at his bare chest)
I mean…not much.

ULRICH THE BRAVE

No! Upon thy head!

2.

Created using Celtx

JACOB

Oh this. This is a bear carcass. I put
the horns on myself. Pretty cool huh?
TUMBAS OF TIMBERLAND

But why?

JACOB

‘Cause I’m a shamanistic warrior, bro!

ZELDA THE FIERCE
Thou lookst akin to a savage!

JACOB

I know right? I got it on Amazon.
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Fine, the more the merrier. Now, the
castle has fortified defenses, armed

guards-
JACOB

Oh, the guards are cool with us.
ULRICH THE BRAVE

They shant be “cool with us,” Jacob,
they’re prepared to kill on sight.

JACOB

Okay, you think that, but turns out-
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Shut up. And a battalion at the ready
should the king call.
JACOB

Yeah I don’t think he will.
ULRICH THE BRAVE

We must be ready for anything! Now,
the turrets have pots of molten oil
set to drop upon our first wave.

JACOB

Hold up! Is that like…tear-gas?

ULRICH THE BRAVE

No, Jacob. This is molten oil that
will singe your flesh and scorch your
eyes.

3.

Created using Celtx

JACOB

Right. Look I’m all about the
revolution but I’m not trying to get
tear-gassed, cause that stuff hurts.

ZELDA THE FIERCE
Says the guy without a shirt.
TUMBAS OF TIMBERLAND

Wilst thou not lay down thy life for
the cause?
JACOB

Do I look like I have a life?
ZELDA THE FIERCE
I’ve heard he lives with his mom.

JACOB

That’s actually just temporary-
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Debate this later, please! Now hark
unto mine words, brethren. We four
shall take point on the battering ram.

ZELDA THE FIERCE

I’ll fight by your side, my liege.
TUMBAS OF TIMBERLAND

It will be an honor!
JACOB

Battering ram? What for?
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Jacob, dost thou think they shall drop
the drawbridge in welcome?

JACOB

Uh…maybe not the bridge, but there’s
a congresslady said she’d open up the
side door.

TUMBAS OF TIMBERLAND

Surely you jest!
JACOB

Nah! And she gave me a tour yesterday!
Chick from Colorado, she’s pretty
down.

4.

Created using Celtx

ULRICH THE BRAVE

By the maker! I can’t believe I’m
saying this, but good work, lad.

JACOB

Viva la Revolution, bro!
ZELDA THE FIERCE

Hark! Sire! The signal has raised!

ULRICH THE BRAVE

Now is the time for battle. Don thine
hoods! Hide thine faces!

JACOB

Oh I was hoping to take some selfies
while I was in there…
ULRICH THE BRAVE
Brethren, cross thine blades.
They all put their arms in the center.
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Tonight is the night that shall define
us. We are committing highest treason
on this eve.
JACOB

Well the king did tell us to so…

ULRICH THE BRAVE
(ignores him)
Some of us may be captured, others
jailed

JACOB

But then granted pardons, right?
ULRICH THE BRAVE

Beaten and starved! Forced to drink
their rat water and subsist on their
gruel.

JACOB

If the food’s not organic I’m not
having any.

ULRICH THE BRAVE
And should we fall, we fall for
FREEDOM! ARE YOU READY?

5.

Created using Celtx

THE MULTITUDE

AY SIRE!

ULRICH THE BRAVE

CHARGE!

Chaos, Blood, Destruction.

ZELDA THE FIERCE

Ulrich! We’re outnumbered! We must
fall back!

ULRICH THE BRAVE
No! We shall not waver!

JACOB

I’ll send a pigeon for reinforcements!

Opens his hands and the Twitter bird flies out, then dies.

JACOB

Ah…my account got suspended.