As I prep for my first colonoscopy, 7 years over due, trying to keep light about my all fluid diet today. 😆

1. Why is a colonoscopy so exhausting? At the end you have nothing in the tank!
2. Podiatrist said I have Athlete’s foot. Laughing I said, I WISH!
3. I went to the urologist and he said, “You have couple stones.” I named them Keith and Mic
4. They day after my colonoscopy I had an appointment at the Podiatrist. I was diagnosed with plantar flatulitis!
5. Last week I went in for my annual routine check-up. I got a 4.3 on the balance beam – lousy dismount!
6. I went to the dermatologist and he said, “You have a lot of moles.” I said, “I dont trust anyone!”
7. My body makes so make strange noises, Danny Elfman turned them into a movie score.
8. I totally forgot to go to my neurologist to get my memory checked.
9. I found a support group for people with incontinence called “Urine Good Company.”
10. My doctor said I needed a prostate exam. I said, “Shouldn’tyou buy me dinner first!”
11. I asked my dermatologist if he could make me look young and beautiful. He said, “Sure, but it’ll cost you a pretty penny.”
12. Doctor said I need to be on on an all liquid diet the next 24 hours. On the bright side, steak smoothies taste better than expected. Next stop, McDonald’s for a meat shake.
13. I told my doctor I think I’m becoming incontinent. He said, “Can you hold on a second?”
14. Why is hard to get a colonoscopy in Florida? No rear end parking. Also why it’s been renamed The Sundontshine State
15. Two days before my colonoscopy the doctor said, “If you keep to this all liquid diet you’d be doing me a solid!”
16. My doctor told me I needed a colonoscopy. I said, “But I’m already backed up with work!”
17. The nurse told me to drink the colonoscopy prep in one gulp. I said, “But it’s a whole gallon!” She said, “Mind over matter. It’s a piece of cake!”
18. I asked my doctor if he could give me a colonoscopy. He said, “No, I’m booked solid.”
19. I woke up from my colonoscopy and the doctor said, “Well, the good news is, you’re not full of it!”
20. My doctor told me I need to get a colonoscopy. I said, “No way, I’m not going through that again. It’s a pain in the butt!”
21. I was so nervous about my colonoscopy, I could barely eat anything the day before. But then I realized, that’s the whole point!
22. I asked my doctor if he could put me to sleep for my colonoscopy. He said, “Sure, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.”
23. I woke up from my colonoscopy and the doctor said, “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, we found your missing car keys.”
24. What do you call a colonoscopy that’s performed on a pirate? A treasure hunt!
25. What do you call a colonoscopy that’s performed in space? A black hole!
26. Why did the comedian love the gig at the colonoscopy clinic? It’s not the shittiest show he’s worked!
27. Why do they do yoga at the morgue? Helps with all the stiffs!